Unconditional Love

I've been out of town in Yellowstone for almost a week and have been anxiously awaiting an opportunity to post again! I am so excited to share just a couple thoughts with you today.

I have been pondering God's unconditional love for us.  He loves us no matter what.  He loves us when we sin, when we complain, when we're perfect and when we feel as if we fail.  He will never stop loving us, no matter what.  Satan will always try to convince us otherwise.  I advise you to ignore Satan completely and instead, turn to the word and promise of the Lord.

There is a wonderful talk from the October 2006 General Conference given by Anthony D. Perkins titled "The Great and Wonderful Love" that teaches incredible truths concerning the love of God and the lies of Satan.   There are many other things I could talk about from this talk but I want to focus on one paragraph that helps me on hard days.  It reads...

"God the Father is merciful and has infinite love for you despite your faults.  Only the voice of Satan will cause you to feel of no value."

Oftentimes we are our own worst critics.  We are not kind to ourselves.  I once had an Institute instructor, Brother Saunders, who taught me a very important thing to remember concerning how I treat myself.  He taught me never to say anything to or about myself that I wouldn't say to my friend or neighbor.  When I wake up in the morning and say "Melissa, you have three new zits, that takes away from your beauty", I am saying something I would never say to my neighbor.  Or, when I say, "you've put on some weight, you look terrible", I am insulting myself and cutting down my self worth.  These statements and many others come from Satan.  They are planted in our minds to make us feel of no value.  They are destroying thoughts.  They will ruin mine and your spirit.

Instead, love yourself as God loves you, UNCONDITIONALLY.  As Anthony D. Perkins said, God loves us, even with our faults.  He never gives up on us.  He will never cut us down.  So why do we keep doing it to ourselves?!

In the scriptures we are taught, "...the worth of souls is great in the sight of God." (Doctrine and Covenants 18:10)  We are of great worth, to God!! He is the creator of all things.  Yet he knows and loves us personally.  How do we know that yet still not like ourselves?

It could be due to the paradox President Uchtdorf addressed in the October 2011 General Conference in his talk titled "You Matter to Him."

He says "This is a paradox of man: compared to God, man is nothing; yet we are everything to God. While against the backdrop of infinite creation we may appear to be nothing, we have a spark of eternal fire burning within our breast. We have the incomprehensible promise of exaltation—worlds without end—within our grasp. And it is God’s great desire to help us reach it."

I think we start to expect perfection from ourselves.  We want to be just as great as God wants us to become, now!  That's not how it works though.  This life is the time for us to learn how to be that wonderful, that Godly.  Heavenly Father knows we will fall short, that is why he provided the Atonement  for us.   He expects us to do the best we can, and He will help us with the rest.  He knows we can't do it all alone or perfectly.  He will HELP us! And we need to help ourselves by loving ourselves unconditionally just as He does.

I've experienced this debilitating cycle time and time again during my life.  One time that has stuck out to me recently was when I was called as a ward missionary.  I had participated in missionary efforts in my ward and began serving with enthusiasm.  I went on visits, talked to less active members and even gave some one a Book of Mormon.  But, somewhere along the way, I lost my enthusiasm.  I stopped serving to the best of my abilities.  I then became discouraged and ashamed.  I didn't want anyone to know that I'd failed.  I had been so excited to be a ward missionary.  I was given the chance to serve a "mission" at home instead of the full time mission I had recently decided not to serve.

Months passed and I would do visits sometimes.  I did what I could.  I taught Gospel Principles and had some amazing learning experiences there.  But, I still felt inadequate.  I would skip meetings because I was ashamed.  Then I would experience increased guilt because I didn't go.  No one said anything to me. Trent and my family assured me I was okay.  But, I could not shake the guilt I was feeling.  I even prayed about asking to be released.

I now realize the guilt I was experiencing came from Satan.  He wanted me to feel so wrapped up in shame that I lost sight of my purpose.  He succeeded for quite some time.  I still sometimes even struggle with the same guilt and shame.  But, Heavenly Father had a plan to let me know He loves me and appreciates my service, no matter how meager I felt it was.

I got a call from our ward secretary asking me if I could meet with our Bishop a week from then.  First off, a week?!?  I had to wait a week to find out why Bishop needed to meet with me, I thought I'd die!  Second, I was sure I was going to be chastised for being a terrible ward missionary and then abruptly released and never given another again.  I spent the next week worrying, crying and talking with Trent about how scared I was to meet with Bishop.

Then, the time came to meet with him.  I nervously entered his office, ready to be thrown out of my calling.  I was bursting with shame and guilt.  Then, the very opposite of what I expected happened.  He thanked me for my service as a ward missionary.  He then extended a calling as first counselor in the Relief Society Presidency.  I was stunned.  I was speechless.  I said thank you through the tears flowing down my face.  That is all that would come out.  My heart was too full and my shame too washed away to even think.  My patient Bishop carefully asked me if that was a yes and I assured him it most definitely was a yes.

I walked out of that office uplifted and full of God's love. I thought Heavenly Father would never trust me with another calling again.  Yet, He showed me he loved me despite my faults and He saw my efforts.  He appreciated what I had done.  And He was ready to bless me even more with this calling.  The shame was gone.  It was replaced with love from God and for God. And an excitement to serve.

This experience helped me realize that no matter what I do. No matter how bad I think I've failed, my Father in Heaven will always love me. He will always give me opportunities to progress and learn.  I am great in His sight.  And at this time, He taught me that I will be given second chances when I have righteous desires. I did not fail Him.  I learned a great lesson.  He loves me no matter what.  And He is teaching me to love myself.  

I chose this picture because I often feel shamed like the woman taken in adultery but, Christ did not judge her.  He loved her and forgave her sins.  Sometimes we are our own pharisees accusing ourselves of being terrible when Christ is there telling us we need not be perfect, we just need to be repenting and progressing.
*Picture courtesy of http://mormonbeliefs.org/files/2012/02/Jesus-and-the-Woman-Taken-in-Adultery-Swindle.jpg*