The Rivers of Sorrow...

I have yet another hymn to share with you today!! 

Many of you are probably familiar with this hymn, or about half of it I should say.  Many times, we only sing the first few verses of extra long hymns and miss out on the amazing second half! Such is the case with hymn number 85, How Firm a Foundation.  

My favorite Verse in this hymn is verse four.  Okay, really they are all my favorite, but I want to talk about the message that verse four contains.  It reads...

Picture courtesy of gregolsen.com

4.When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless

And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress

Where do I begin with this verse!? There will definitely be another post not only about this verse but the rest of the hymn.  

Today, I want to focus on the first two lines.  WHEN THROUGH THE DEEP WATERS I CALL THEE TO GO, THE RIVERS OF SORROW SHALL NOT THEE OVERFLOW.  This message has carried me through times of unspeakable sadness and confusion.  I have filled pages with these simple lines, repeating them until my heart no longer aches.  

The first time I heard these words I was singing in a choir for the Ogden LDS Institute of Religion.  I was struggling with significant challenges in my life and did not know where to turn or what to do. You know those times when your heart feel heavy constantly?  When you put on a happy face but really you just want to cry?  This was one of those times for me.  

I was facing a waiting period in my life that I did not want to experience.  I HATE waiting!! (My family and Trent can attest to this fact if you at all doubt how much I really do hate waiting.)  But, the Lord was determined to teach me to trust and have faith in His timing, not mine.  

A year and a half ago, I decided I was going to get married.  That was it, I'd found the man I loved and we would have a quick engagement and live happily ever after.  Little did I know, the Lord (and Trent) had a different plan for me.  I should have known, seeing as I've had experiences in the past that taught me the Lord always has a better plan.  But, I'm stubborn and learn really slow.  

Anyways, so I had decided we were going to get married right?  I started looking at rings, telling my friends and family and waiting for the chance to go...Ring shopping!!  The official start to a journey down the road to marriage.  And then, it didn't happen.  We didn't go! My plans went up in smoke...and I was devastated. I didn't understand why we would need to wait. Why it wasn't the right time. Or why my plans never could work out.  I was mad. I was grumpy. I was well...not engaged!! And I didn't like it.  (Just a side note, Trent and I have had many discussions about why we needed to wait and why it has worked out for the best, and I have permission to share these stories with you.)  

I had devised my plan to be married as quickly as possible. I would choose a month and say, we'll be married by then.  Then when that wouldn't happen, I'd choose a different month and decide to be married then.  This vicious cycle went on for over a year.  (I now realize that I can't make the decision, Trent and I need to decide together along with the Lord, and the right time will come when it does, a later post will cover that.)  

Trent and I a year and a half ago

During this year, I learned a lot about myself and my relationship with the Lord. I learned that I need to trust him more fully.  That to have faith and hope is to endure well and happily.  And I learned that I need to be happy with my circumstances now, and not choose some event or later date to allow myself to be happy.  

Most of all I learned that sometimes we must wade through a river that may seem too deep, too fast or too wide for use to possibly cross.  Sometimes we are not meant to cross that river quickly or even at all.  Sometimes we put ourselves in that river or sometimes someone else will put us in it.  Whatever the circumstances, it is easy to get swept away and feel lost.  I was in this river.  My river was one of sorrow and impatience.  I felt like I was drowning and losing everything I had hoped for.  People would ask why we weren't married and my heart would break.  Trent was constantly reassuring me it would work out.  Everyone said I was the patient one for waiting for him to be ready.  He really was the patient one, listening to me complain and doubt.  

And then, the words of the How Firm a Foundation came to my rescue right at the time I was in desperate need of them.  About three months into my cycle of planning, disappointment, anger and more planning, we began singing this hymn in choir.  The reassurance from my Savior these words brought to me saved me when I could have drown in a river of sorrow.  He provided these words for me at a critical turning point in my life.  I was on the verge of becoming bitter and angry.  I had waded into deep waters and needed help getting out.  

My Savior is the help I needed.  I had to turn to Him. Trust in His plan and know that He knows what's best for Trent and I.  I had to trust in Trent's feelings and promptings and listen to the promptings I was receiving. They both helped me so the rivers of sorrow did not pull me down.  

Sometimes I still get caught up in that river.  I feel as if I am reaching the other side now, but am still not there.  I am still being tried and tested.  I am still waiting (I hate it a little less than I did 18 months ago, slightly..).  But, I can wait with a smile!  I still have my good and bad days.  I have times when I still feel like I'm going to be overcome by this river.  In those times I can turn to these words and remember that no matter what, THIS RIVER OF SORROW WILL NOT ME (OR YOU) OVERFLOW!!