Mission Story, Part One

I've been having a really hard time deciding what to write about this week.  I have so many ideas but when I go to write them, the words won't come.  As I've thought and prayed over the last week I feel as if it is time for me to share a story that has shaped me into the person I am today.  I wish to share with you the journey I undertook a couple years ago, a journey that I had no idea I was even embarking or where it would land me.

The picture that went in with my
mission paperwork

In 2012, I decided I was going to serve a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and that was that.  I'm the type of person who when I decide to do something, I go full steam ahead.  I began working on the paperwork as soon as possible and submitted my papers in June of 2012.  I then received my call to the Georgia Atlanta North Mission and would report to the MTC on...December 19, 2012.  I had six months before I reported! SIX MONTHS!! I was secretly really relieved when I found out I had six months to figure out what I really wanted.

You see, there was a fairly secret battle raging within me, I was no longer certain I needed to or even wanted to serve a mission.  I remember awaiting a feeling a peace and assurance that serving a mission was the correct path for me. However, when I opened that big white envelope, surrounded by family and friends, my heart didn't do anything.  It didn't stop.  It didn't skip. It didn't even sink.  I felt nothing.  Well, I did feel confusion!

I had started to feel a little doubtful about the wisdom of my decision to serve a full time a couple weeks before my call came (maybe deep deep down I knew months before that, but never wanted to acknowledge it).  Not only had I started kind of dating a cute guy, I had a deep feeling that although a good choice, it wasn't the right one.

I didn't understand though! Why wouldn't Heavenly Father let me do this great thing?! Why couldn't I just do what I wanted? I mean, serving a full time mission is a righteous desire right?  I spent many days, weeks and months wondering, praying, crying and fasting about this decision.

I told myself that if it worked out with the aforementioned cute guy, then I wouldn't serve a mission.  But, things weren't working in that arena either! What was I to do?

I became obsessed with what I needed to do.  I wanted Heavenly Father to TELL me what to do, serve a mission or try to make things work with the man I was falling in love with.  (I know, sounds dramatic right?)  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't even function.  I felt lost and extremely forgotten.  I felt as if Heavenly Father was ignoring me and leaving me to make this decision alone and I was not happy about it.

Months passed and I wan't any closer to getting an answer from my Father in Heaven.  When one day, I learned something very profound from a wonderful man I work with.  For privacy's sake, I will call him John.  I work at group home for individuals with disabilities and have the opportunity to support amazing people in their ever day activities.  One day, I was helping John make his lunch and cottage cheese was on the menu.  I went to get the cottage cheese out of the fridge and...it was frozen!  I calmly explained to John that we would need to wait for the cottage cheese to thaw,  just eat apple sauce or leave that portion out of the meal for that.  John wanted nothing to do with that option! He wanted cottage cheese, and nothing else could be an acceptable substitute.  To my surprise, he got upset and refused to eat lunch, despite having stated earlier how hungry he was.

To me, his reaction didn't make sense.  I thought the options I had given him were fair, but I had a different perspective.  I could see the big picture, but John could only focus on the fact that he couldn't have his cottage cheese right that very second.

This makes me think of Christ and how to He can see the big picture.  He can see that life will go on.  There are fair and sometimes even better options out there for us.  But, we get so stuck on our "cottage cheese" that we don't trust Him or our Heavenly Father's plan for us.

Picture courtesy of: http://www.gianteagle.com/
ProductImages/OWN_BRANDS/GIANT_EAGLE/
cottageCheese_4percentLargeCurd.jpg

This is what I was doing during most of the six months it took me to make a decision.
I was demanding Heavenly Father to make the choice clear and not make me choose.  That was my cottage cheese, to be told what to do, so I wouldn't feel guilty about or regret my decision.  I wanted either to serve a missi
on or to be with this amazing guy.

It took me many months to really learn to trust Him and me to make a decision together.  I had to let go of the idea of being told what to do. I even had to let go of the idea of having two clear cut options. I had to learn that sometimes there are other options I can't see, that are even better than "cottage cheese"!  Heavenly Father has an all encompassing perspective of our lives, we have an extremely limited view of what our lives have in store for us. As we let go of our obsession over our own "cottage cheeses", we will learn to trust in the Lord and partake of His blessings we are hungering for.


*There are many lessons I learned on my journey towards deciding whether or not to serve a mission, this is just one of them, hence the title of this post containing part one.  Please continue reading for more stories about this time in my life and much more!

Finding Solace in Times of Anguish

I feel like it has been forever since I was able to post! I have be pondering what I would like to write about and I finally decided earlier today (after over a week!).

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the Hymn Number 129 "Where Can I Turn For Peace?".  This Hymn has one line that contains a questions I have asked many times..."Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?"

First off, what is solace?  The definition of solace (as defined by Google) is "comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness." I think we can all think of multiple times in our lives when we have earnestly searched for solace.  However, we often turn to sources that only bring temporary relief.

I have mentioned before that music is a huge driving force in my life.  The music I listen to dictates my mood and how I handle life's challenges.  Over the last couple years, I have truly come to appreciate the healing effects of sacred music.  The music I have decided to surround myself with has brought me lasting solace that has brought me through the hardest of times.

I want to point out that Christ is the source of all true solace. Only through the atonement and the support and love of Christ can we find eternal solace in times of trial.  The music I listen to and sing only brings me closer to Christ and thus, provides me with eternal solace.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have been facing a waiting period in my life that has caused me to seek out solace.  One day in particular I was feeling weighed down by trials.  Not only was my patience being tried, my faith, hope and optimism were also being tried.  I have a few beloved family members who face major health issues on a daily basis.  I have never actually experienced close to the tribulations they have overcome but, I have faced watching them overcome those tribulations.  That comes along with a whole different set of experiences I wish to cover at a different time.

Picture courtesy of
 http://mormonbible.org/files/2012/07/BibleComfortQuote.jpg

It was one of those days when I sat in my car and just cried. I was spent. I felt I could no longer carry the burdens that had been place upon me.  I was ready to just quit, I didn't want to experience this any more. Then, I turned on my music and heard the song "Life and Death" by Paul Cardall.  I felt a peace and calm come over me instantly.  Each time I have listened to this song since, I have felt as if he wrote the song just for me.  The beginning is slow and feels sad, how I sometimes feel in the midst of struggles.  It then gradually builds to an outpouring of spirit and love.  I used to reach that point in the song and imagine my trial ending.  However, in that moment, I imagined me, there, still in pain, but uplifted through the love of Christ.

I realized that solace doesn't come at the end of the trial.  When the trial is over, we have no need for comfort.  It is in the midst of the darkest times that we need the light and consolation from Christ.  We can find joy and peace in times of great tribulation.  The pain is still there.  We still must grow and learn.  But, if we seek help and support in those times, we will be able to have joy.  Whether we seek that help through the scriptures, prayer, temple worship, service or music; we will find solace in the arms of our Savior and Brother, Jesus Christ.  Philippians 4:13 reads, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
He is our Solace, He is our Joy and He is our strength in times when we feel we have none left.  

Thank you for reading!!


Listen to more of Paul Cardall's music at www.paulcardall.com